i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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