Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
