my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Edward fifth and chaser hands
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
