He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Randomize
