how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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