Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Randomize
