Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
