Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
