Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
