Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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