my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
my shit smells like andre
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
