I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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