I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Who wears a wallet chain?!
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
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