Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
You can't just leave with hair like that
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
