when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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