i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
