i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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