Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I touched a dick in church today
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
