I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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