So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Just pee around me
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
