Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
People in love make me want to vomit
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
