My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
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No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
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Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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