If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
