I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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