it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
