There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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