I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Randomize
