worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
