i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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