the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
