Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
