apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
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