They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Randomize
