Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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