She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
