Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
