I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
