hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
