He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
