I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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