I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
