if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
