yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
