All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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