Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize