I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
