Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
