Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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