I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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