every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
