Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
vagina is talking i cant
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
