I just saw a hot homeless man
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
