Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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