And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
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I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
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The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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