he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
