hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize