well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
im about as happy as oj after his trial
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
