I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize