8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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