You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Randomize
