I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
