we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
is that a dick in a sweater?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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