yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
