Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
