god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize