we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
