She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I just found a bag of teeth...
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
