he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
